Ripped from the Headlines

"There were no suspicious circumstances," said a [Paris] detective. "It appears that the young woman took her own life."

--The Guardian, 12/15/11

"AU CONTRAIRE, Les Dectifs," said I. "No suspicious circumstances? Look at the bedsheets, the shattered china, the footprints on the parquet. This is clearly foul play!"

"C'est absurde! How could you accuse us of overlooking any evidence, Detective Biederman?" said DeVille. He lit a Galoise. "You have no jurisdiction in Paris--"

"My jurisdiction, detectif is anywhere that the local authorities refuse to get off their lazy asses and do real police work!"

"--and besides," he went on, unperturbed. "I could say that I find it tres suspectes that you just happened to be in Paris for the 2011 International Mister Leather Festival--"

I had heard enough. "This is an Interpol case now," I interrupted. "And I'm leading it."